Friday, 31 October 2014

Need to wash!!

I've decided that hygiene is in the eye of the beholder. One
lunchtime as I watched the woman in the sandwich shop
spread mayonnaise on my bread, I noticed part of her grubby
work shirt was dragging across it.

"Excuse me," I ventured, "your sleeve is in the mayo."

"No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway."

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Blonde Vs Blonde

A blonde was speeding in a 25 mile per hour
residental zone when a local police cruiser pulled
her over.
The female police officer who walked up to the car
also happened to be a blonde.
She asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a
while and finally said to the blonde policewoman,
"What does a driver's license look like?'
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "Don't be a
smartass!, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse
again and found a small, rectangular mirror down
at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must
be my driver's license", then handed it to the
blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it
back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too,
we could have avoided all of this."

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Made for each other!!

Two newly weds quickly realized their marriage wasn't working
and filed for divorce. The judge asked them what the problem
was. The husband replied, "In the five weeks that we've been
together we haven't been able to agree on a single thing."

The judge asked the wife, "Have you anything to say?"

"It's been *six* weeks your Honor."