Wednesday 22 August 2012

Keeping Straight Face In Court

     Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
     A: By death.
     Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
 
     Q: Can you describe the individual?
     A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
     Q: Was this a male, or a female?
 
     Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
     A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

     Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
     A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
 
     Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school  did you go to?      
     A: Oral.
 
     Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
     A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
     Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
     A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


     Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 
     Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
     A: No.
     Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
     A: No.
     Q: Did you check for breathing?
     A: No.
     Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
     A: No.
     Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
     A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
     Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
     A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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