Thursday 28 March 2013

Great Minds!

Billy and Bubba, two farmers from a small town outside of
Little Rock, Arkansas, were walking home together after each
had purchased a pig. Billy said to Bubba, "How are we going
to tell them apart?"

Bubba answered, "We'll cut the left ear off of your pig."
And so they did.

After a while, the pigs got into a fight and they had bitten
off each others ears. Billy asked, "Now what are we going to
do?"

"Well, how about if we cut the tail off of my pig?" Bubba
replied.

"That sounds like a good plan to me," Billy agreed.

A little while later, the pigs got into another fight, and
when it was over, they were both missing their tails.

"What will we do now?" Bubba asked Billy.

After giving it some thought, Billy replied, "Well, we could
cut the leg off of yours."

"That's not humane!" Bubba cried.

So after some more thought, Billy said, "Well, let's do
this. We'll just call the white one yours and the black one
mine."

Wednesday 27 March 2013

DON'T BE ON FRONT PAGE!

I was glancing over the front page of the Post Gazette the other day and saw that Alf Landon (Franklin Roosevelt's opponent in the 1936 election) had died at age 100. It reminded me of this story that FDR supposedly liked to tell.
There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to work, glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day after day the man would go through this routine. Finally the newsboy could not stand it and he asked the man, "Why do you always buy a paper and only look at the front page before discarding it?"
The man replied, "I am only interested in the obituaries."
"But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper."
"Young man," he said, "the son of a bitch I'm looking for will be on the front page."

Tuesday 26 March 2013

Last Wisdom!

The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was
dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her
comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she
refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a
gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.

When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the
glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little
more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass
down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with
earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face
and said, "Don't sell that cow."


Courtesy: ArcaMax Jokes.