Right Candidate!

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
 
"Look, miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual
experience in picking lemons?"
 
"Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been
divorced three times."
 
 Courtesy: FranCMT2.

Collected Gems – 3

"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."

Meeting: An event at which minutes are kept and
hours are lost.

A man in Colorado wants marijuana to be classified as a
vegetable. I just have to say that that's an ingenious
way to get Americans to stop smoking pot.

The New York City Department of Education says that only
26 percent of the city’s students passed the English
portion of a recent standardized test. But on the bright
side, they’re too bad at math to realize how bad that is.

Story of an ingenious Shepherd!

A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote
pasture when a brand-new BMW emerges out of a
dust cloud.
The driver, a young man in an Armani suit,
Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leans out the window and asks the shepherd,
"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you
have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and answers, "Sure,
why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his iPad
and launches the GPS app to get an exact fix
on his location. He feeds that to a NASA
Web site that returns an ultra-high-resolution
photo of the area. The young man opens the
picture in Photoshop and exports it to an
image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email that the
image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a database through an ODBC-
connected spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an
email and after a few minutes receives a
response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 50 page
report on his miniaturized Laser printer. With
the document in hand, he says to the shepherd,
"You have exactly 1,586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one
of my sheep."
The young man selects one of the animals and
stuffs it into his car.
The shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if
I can tell you exactly what your business is,
will you give me back the animal?"
"Sure, why not?"
"You're a consultant."
"Wow! That's right. How did you guess that?"
"No guessing required. You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid
for an answer I already knew to a question I
never asked; and you don't know anything about
my business. Now can I have my dog back?"
Courtesy: ArcaMax.com