Where were you when I got married?

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.The man asked. "Who are you?" 

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Secret of a long happy marriage!

The elderly couple had been married for more than
sixty years. They talked about everything. They
kept no secrets from each other... except that the
woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that
she cautioned her husband never to open or ask about.
For all these years he had never thought about the
box, until one day the woman had a health scare and
decided she'd better sort out her affairs.
Following her instructions, the old man took the shoe
box down from the shelf and took it to his wife. She
agreed it was time that he should know what was in
the box.
When he opened it he found two beautifully crocheted
doilies and a stack of money totaling over $25,000.
He asked her about the unusual contents.
"When we were married," she said, " my grandmother
told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never
argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."
The old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had
only been angry with him two times in all those years
of living and loving. He almost burst with joy and
happiness.
"Sweetheart," he said, "that explains the doilies,
but what about all this money? Where did it all come
from?"
"Oh, that. That's the money I made from selling the
doilies."

Wrote a check!

There was a man who worked all of his life and had saved his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife. "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man."

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with the man?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."