Enjoy!

"You know why I never tell jokes while I'm skating? Because
the ice might crack up!" "Honey, you have nothing to worry about."


I was high on a ladder, when I saw a beautiful girl
below. Suddenly, I fell for her.


They claim you can lose weight by eating dry cereal
but I think they're flakes



Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a
man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day
drinking beer.

In The News!

Las Vegas just opened the world's tallest Ferris wheel,
which is 550 feet high. They say it's the perfect place
to take your kids -- and then leave them while you hit
the blackjack table.
(Jimmy Fallon)
-----
"Middle class" now means that you can afford a full sized
SUV instead of a compact car. To live in.


The Kremlin announced today that Vladimir Putin and
his wife have officially divorced. She'll get the
house and the car and he'll get Crimea, Ukraine,
Belarus ...
(Seth Meyers)
-----
Police in Venice, Italy have arrested violent
separatists who built a makeshift tank. Unfortunately
for the activists, they didn't take their location
into account. They probably should have come up with
a weapon that floats a little better than a tank.
(Jim Barach)

How much is enough!

Rivka Baumgarten tottered into a lawyer's office. "I vant
a divorce."
"A divorce?!?"
"You hoid me, sonny! A divorce."
"Mrs. Baumgarten. How old are you?"
"Ninety."
"And your husband?"
"Irving? Ninety-two next month."
"And how long have you been married?"
"Tomorrow, 70 years"
"Seventy years? Why ... why a divorce now?"
"Enough is enough."